


Dead Letters

by not_rude_ginger



Series: Aimless Play Series [6]
Category: Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 07:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3200435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_rude_ginger/pseuds/not_rude_ginger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a traumatic first year reign, King Loki of Asgard struggles to deal with the loss of his wife, Sigyn. Unable to talk about it, and struggling with his reclaimed sons and a kingdom on the brink, he goes back to their old tradition. </p><p>He writes letters. </p><p>Set between The Long Game and No More Shall We Play</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Letters

**Author's Note:**

> In case it's not clear, the struck out words are corrections and edits. I thought it would feel more natural that way.

**Dead Letters**

Dear Sigyn,

~~I’m writing because~~

~~I want to tell you about~~

I don’t know why I’m doing this. It was Kvasir’s idea. Well, he suggested that if I won’t talk about my feelings I should write them down, maybe in a letter to someone. I don’t need to send it, I just need to write it down. He suggested writing to Thor –but that’s not going to work. ~~I don’t tell Thor anything.~~

You’re the only one I can think of writing to. You’re the one I always write to when I need help. ~~Only now I won’t be able to get a reply.~~

Where do I start?

I suppose I should tell you that it’s been two months since ~~I lost you~~ ~~Tyr tried to kill me and take the throne~~ I got our sons back. Since then, I’ve been trying to give them all the attention I can, but being king makes that hard. I’ve had to spend so much time trying to pull Asgard back together that I barely see them. I hate it. ~~If you were here it might be easier because they’d be with you, their mother.~~

~~How do I do this? I don’t know how to manage this.~~

I feel like I’m drowning at times. There’s so much to do, and so little time and people to do it. I don’t really have a council any more, I disbanded it. ~~I had to.~~ It’s too easy to go backwards when the grooves are worn so deep. So it’s just me trying to manage everything. I have help from my friends and loyalist people but I still feel like I’m ~~alone~~ drowning.

Mother is getting better. Eir still has her in a coma, to keep her from moving while her spine recovers from the shattering blow Jörmungandr dealt it. It’s as if she too is in Odinsleep. ~~My whole family is gone.~~   Eir says she will recover her strength and, with work, she’ll be able to walk again.

~~Shall I list all ways my first year of rule was a disaster?~~

Queen Aetril has mostly recovered from her injuries, but she is frantic about returning to Alfheim and reassuring her children she is well. Unfortunately the Bifröst has damaged all the portals connected to Asgard and worse, even our old ways of communication, technology or seiðr are not able to reach that far. We are cut off from everyone. ~~We are alone.~~

My little shadow Thundi has been orphaned by the rebellion, he lost his parents and his brother, ~~just like me~~. I have made him my ward for the moment, he plays with Jörmungandr during the day while Hlin looks after them until I can think of a better solution.

~~I should adopt him, it’s my fault his family is gone, but I can’t. I need to focus on my own children, not other children. It’s horribly selfish of me, I hate that I think it but every time I think about just doing it I see Jörmungandr and Fenrir growing jealous and I never want them to feel they are not enough. I don’t know what to do about Thundi, he’s a good boy, Jörmungandr seems to like him a lot and I don’t know what to do.~~

You’d know what to do.

Loki

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn

I dream about you most nights. Sometimes it’s good memories, but a lot of the time they disappear into nightmares where I lose you again and again, or I can’t save you from some unknown shadow. I want to find you, but Heimdall can’t even see Vanaheim and none of my seiðr can find you.

Speaking of Heimdall, he is finally up and about, but he is terribly scarred and will be for a long time. ~~I feel ill when I see the twisted scarring on his face, because I never thought someone like Heimdall could be hurt.~~ He finally remembered who had attacked him and destroyed the Bifröst. Good old Hoder, blind Hoder, father of Reifer and husband of Eir. Eir collapsed in a heap of sobs and I thought Reifer was going to kill himself in shame. Sverrir and Dag sat on him until he calmed down.

The flood gates came out then, because I could not understand how Eir had not known. After all, she is a healer, surely she would notice her husband was not Aesir. It turns out Dökkálfar magic and technology is very, very good. Only when you really look can you see the differences that Eir had never noticed… and perhaps had been charmed not to notice. Mýrkjartan says that the Dökkálfar can cast spells that cause one to… not notice things. When I searched for the spell I found it seeped in Eir’s own magic, she would never have noticed it. It seems Hoder underwent extensive cosmetic and deeper procedures to make himself appear Aesir to everyone. And since I’m sure you’re wondering, Reifer is not Hoder’s biological child, Hoder encouraged Eir to find a different father when he ‘discovered’ he was sterile.

~~I wish I could tell Reifer it doesn’t matter but I can’t say more than the fact. I cannot explain how I know this because I cannot tell him my own origins. Is that because I’m a coward telling myself it’s for the best, or is it really the best for Asgard?~~

I fear Reifer will not be able to face the days to come, should this get out. Right now we’re keeping it quiet. If he retreats I don’t know what to do, I need him. He’s been a solid force of strength to me and my rule the whole time. ~~He’s just how I used to wish Thor could be.~~

What do I do? How do I make him see that he’s still valued, still himself, when he feels like his whole world has collapsed?

What would you do?

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn

Tyr’s trial is tomorrow. ~~I want to kill him.~~ His wife and son came to plead for his life. I could hardly look at them, his wife was so angry and his son so arrogant. They don’t think he did anything wrong, I can see it in their eyes even as they condemn his actions. I had a jury plucked from the city, twenty men and women to decide on Tyr’s fate so no one can claim I was exacting anything but justice.

~~I’m afraid they will exonerate him and turn on me. I can’t do this again.~~

Mýrkjartan suggested I pick people sympathetic to my cause, but I know it would be too easy for that to get out. I can’t let my integrity be questioned now.

I’ve started teaching Jörmungandr his letters and basic sums, usually before dinner. I try to give him at least a full hour of my time. ~~It isn’t enough but~~ He seems to enjoy it. Fenrir sleeps a lot, but I think he’s growing more comfortable in his Ás form. He likes napping on my chest, and someone playing with his feet.

I tell the boys about you all the time. I’m trying to teach Jörmungandr to think of you as his mother, but… ~~what if you’re dead?~~ I’m reluctant to make him replace Angrboda with you in his mind, in case it hurts him. He doesn’t need to know what his mother really was. I can’t wait for you to meet them, Jörmungandr asks lots of questions and Fenrir knows your scent. Jörmungandr keeps asking when you’ll come. I don’t suppose you have an answer for him?

Loki

**~*~**

Sigyn,

Tyr’s been found guilty of treason and sentenced to death. I have to decide the method of execution by tomorrow morning.

I don’t know which method to pick. I want him to suffer for his crimes. ~~I want to make him feel as humiliated as he always made me feel as a child in training.~~ Yet I don’t want to be known as a cruel king. Should I be merciless or merciful? Which will be to my benefit in the long run?

Thor used to talk about how everyone would fear him, but of course he could say that because he had everyone’s love already.  He never had to worry about finding the balance of love and distrust because he had the former in abundance.

Still, everyone is angry at Tyr for all the damage he did. Mýrkjartan has advised me that the people blame him for the Bifröst exploding too. His guilt is unquestionable, and the people want vengeance. So what do I do?

Traditionally traitors died painfully, usually with disembowelment or something like that.

Did you know the Jötun use crucifixion to execute criminals? I saw their bodies like great statues in the ice. ~~I think they were executed for not protecting me and my birth mother from Odin.~~ I am tempted to do that to Tyr. The dark, vicious part of me is eager to see him scream in agony, because he caused so many deaths, he could have cost me my children. If he had not been in my way maybe I would have found you before you disappeared. ~~Yet I fear~~ ~~The issue is~~ I won’t give him the chance to say anything. If I drag out his death he’ll have no reason to stay quiet and what if he says something damaging?

Beheading would be quick, but I don’t think it’s enough. The people want a spectacle ~~I think~~ so I need to deliver. I want to make it clear to anyone who might be thinking of rebelling that it would be a painful decision on their part.

Do you remember the number of executions we came upon on Midgard? How it seemed we never could arrive at a time of peace wherever we went? Midgardians are certainly creative about how to kill each other, especially with the consent of the law. England had that four part method for traitors, remember? We watched a man be executed by hanging until half dead, then he was disembowelled, unmanned and beheaded. You threw up on my shoes.

….

I’ve figured it out! It came to me when I looked out the window and saw the destruction of the city. Tyr’s taken the blame for all of it, the Bifröst and even been condemned for his allegiance with Gullveig –it came out in the trial that she was his mistress. ~~Ah, keeping it in the family.~~ I can take vengeance with the city itself.

Loki

**~*~**

Sigyn,

Tyr is dead. I sentenced him to death by crushing. He was tied down and slowly bits of rubble from the city were put on top of him. It was a long, slow execution, he suffered. He had expected it to be quick I think, because when I mentioned the options he seemed to expect me to settle on beheading. His face when I announced that he would be killed by the broken bits of the city he brought to ruin was something I will never forget.

It’s odd, but as I sit here, listening to my son’s breathing in their sleep, I can’t help but think of Sif. Tyr was her favourite uncle.

I feel hollow. I thought seeing Tyr die would make me feel better somehow, but instead I don’t feel much of anything.

~~I just wish~~

~~If you were~~

~~How can I~~

**~*~**

Sigyn,

~~Why?~~

~~I don’t understand~~

~~I can’t~~

Kvasir is dead.

~~I’m so angry.~~

Why did he do it? Why did he give up his life for me? I don’t care that his head can still talk while Mimir’s decays away. How could he abandon his family for me?

Why does Sverrir not hate me? He’s asleep on my couch, drunk and crying and he keeps saying he doesn’t blame me but it’s all my fault. Kvasir made a deal with Mimir to save me, because of my own stupidity in being transformed.

That whole transformation was pointless! Pointless and worthless not worth Kvasir’s life.

Who am I going to lose next? I feel like everyone is being taken away from me –will the boys be next?

Please I need you. I need you to tell me it will all be well again. Why aren’t you here? Why can’t I find you? What force hides a whole planet away? Who has hurt you and makes you cry. I will kill them! I will kill them all!

I hate them! I hate Kvasir! I hate Odin, the useless old fool this is all his fault  All of it I hate him I hate him I hate him

-

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn

It’s been seven months since the rebellion.

I haven’t written ~~because I couldn’t bring myself to put the words to ink~~ ~~because you’ll never read these so what does it matter~~ ~~because every time I think about you I feel like I might shatter and I have to be strong~~ because I’ve been busy.

Neither Jörmungandr nor Fenrir have grown as much as a hair since they came back. Ragnalfr thinks all the trauma and difficulties they both have been through has slowed their growth. I’m not too worried for Jörmungandr, he’s still a child, but he can walk and speak, but Fenrir… I can’t bear the thought of him being stuck as a new-born baby forever. Eir tells me to be patient, but how can she ask that of me when it’s about my sons and their happiness.

I try to spend every moment I can with them, and I give Jörmungandr whatever he wants, he deserves it after being so denied for so long. Luckily the new nursery is nearly finished, so there’s somewhere to put all his new things. He’s like a magpie Sigyn, he loves shiny pretty baubles, whenever we go into the market he can hardly keep his head on straight, and he drags Thundi around everywhere. I’m glad the boys are so close, even though I still don’t know how to deal with Thundi. The boy never asks for anything, he never encroaches on the time I spend with Jörmungandr and Fenrir. ~~I worry he is lonely but I can’t seem to bring myself to that step of adoption and I don’t know how to treat him. I feel torn and cruel but… I don’t know what to do.~~

I have finally dealt with my council issue, I made it official today. I abolished the traditional Lendmenn role in favour of a different title, Jórsalafarar. ~~Their powers are to be balanced with public opinion, but~~ I trust the people I’ve picked to do well. Sverrir is obviously my chief crusader, with Reifer and Dag also taking place –they served me faithfully when they didn’t have to and passing some roles from fathers to sons will placate the older generation. I have also appointed a woman who was once a thrall, Ástríthr, and I recruited Bótólfr Kjóison to serve as my commander of the einherjar. I have also recruited seven more people to serve on the council. They are all people who have impressed me since the rebellion in numerous ways. They all seem open to my causes and willing to work on them. Five out of the fourteen are seiðr users, and six are women, so certainly it is a very different council to what Asgard has had before.

Why am I writing all this down? Maybe it’s because I want to tell you what I’m doing in some strange foolish way, or maybe I just need to write it down to make it official. Would you be proud of me? Or would you say I’m moving too fast? Dag worries we are, but he’s a worrier.

Is it strange to be proud of someone older than you? I assumed pride was only something given to the younger from the older, but I cannot think of another word to describe how I feel about Reifer these days. He’s coping far better than I did with the revelations about his father and I can’t help but admire how he holds his head high and ignores the whispers. Eir has become all but a recluse, only emerging to tend to my mother and a few other patients, she’s left the rest to Ragnalfr, Sverrir’s sister.

Mother is finally up and about. She’s spending a lot of time with the boys, Hlin and Queen Aetril, who is still breathing down my neck about getting her home –in the most polite way possible. It was difficult leaving the boys with her at first, I can’t trust her the way I want to, not when she let the boys go just as much as Odin and I did. The fact that she is in a back brace, a fine invisible one that you wouldn’t notice under her dresses, helps because she cannot move easily ~~and so I suppose I don’t have to fear her taking the boys away. She wouldn’t get far.~~

**~*~**

I dreamt about you last night.

You were walking through a forest and I was following you. It was different to the usual kind of dream where I can’t catch you, it felt like you were leading me somewhere. I tried to ask you but I couldn’t speak.

We arrived at a temple, a huge pyramid reaching for the sky and we started climbing the stairs. Halfway up you stopped and I kept walking even though I wanted to stay with you. When I reached the top I turned back to call to you, but you were sitting on the step and wouldn’t turn to look at me.

I woke up terrified and sick. I thought maybe you were trying to call to me so I ran to my mirror and tried to reach you. Obviously I didn’t find you.

It’s been nearly a year now, a year where I haven’t seen you, heard your voice, fucked you into the mattress –and if that seems crass then, well, it’s not like you’ll ever read these. I think about kissing you, biting you, devouring you, reminding the Nine Realms that you are mine.

Considering how busy I am, how stretched thin I feel, you would think I wouldn’t have any space left for sexual frustration, but there it is. I miss sex, I actually found myself trying to remember the last time we had sex and it was on my third or fourth day of kingship. The last time we made love was two years ago. I wish I had not wasted all the times we saw each other over the year being difficult and selfish, why were we fighting so much?

I still promise every night that I will see you tomorrow, but I don’t know if I can believe it anymore. I keep thinking about what I saw, you broken and chained and I can’t imagine you still like that –I don’t want you to be like that. But could you have gotten away? Does that mean the only way you aren’t suffering anymore is if you’re dead? I wish I was sentimental enough, idealistic enough, romantic enough to believe that if you were dead I would feel it. I want to believe that I can feel you’re alive.

If I ever get my hands on the people who hurt you I will kill them. I’ll crucify them! I’ll burn them! I’ll have Mýrkjartan flay them and hang their skins on the walls!

Sigyn, I miss you.

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn,

I’ve decided to go on a tour of Asgard, now that mother is better and Idavoll is healing. I’m taking the boys with me, despite mother suggesting they would be better with her, I’ll be gone for at least a year on a proper tour and I won’t be parted from them for that long. Jörmungandr is excited to go, and Hlin is already packing them up.

Hlin’s been an absolute gift, she’s so good with the boys, and she’s smart enough that I can talk to her easily. I’m grateful for her presence.

The tour is two-fold. Assess the chieftains of the towns and cities and determine if they are corrupt or not, and see if we can root out anyone with seiðr talents to add to my new school that I founded. I suspect many of them have been hidden away because of how narrow-minded Asgard has become.

Mýrkjartan has set his spy network to find what they can –the man himself is obsessed with finding Prince Byleist and the Casket which we still haven’t found. Heimdall can’t see him and I can’t understand why.

It will be nice to get away from the city, from all the memories. I walk the halls of Gladsheim and I feel like I’m surrounded by ghosts. Thor, Kvasir, Odin, you, even The Idiots Four, I keep seeing people out of the corner of my eye and I feel like I’m going mad.

Sverrir thinks I’m in denial, that I won’t grieve my losses, but it’s not as if most of the people I’m seeing are dead.

You’re not dead.

I won’t let you be dead.

I love you.

Loki.

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn,

I hate Asgard and everyone in it!

Loki

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn,

Fine, I don’t hate everyone, but I hate fathers who abuse their children. Six daughters, all bearing the bruises of their father, and a son locked in the cellar because he’s got magical talent.

I sent the children with their mother to Idavoll and I had the father flogged and branded as a criminal.

I won’t tolerate this in my realm!

Loki.

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn,

Apparently word has preceded me and when I arrived at the latest town, they had rounded up the most notorious abusers of women and children. The bastards were all chained up like gifts. I commended their efforts, and then asked why it took so long for decency to prevail.

I was told by one of the wives that until now, no one would have listened or cared. Abuse is just the way of the world.

Apparently Asgard has been slipping backwards, not just stagnating like I feared.

I’ll need to write up new laws. Anyone who doesn’t assist with the persecution of abusers will be treated as an accessory to the abuse and be punished. I’ll also bring into effect that rapists are to be exposed, naked, in the centre of the town or city, flogged and branded on their faces. That way they’ll be humiliated, ripped open and be marked for the rest of their lives.

All these petty, small people, they don’t deserve to live, but I can’t go around killing every one of them, much as I’d like to.

On a lighter note, Jörmungandr can write his name in perfect letters and mine. He’s currently at the table writing out Hlin’s name. He’s so fond of her, but I think he misses Thundi. I thought it would be best to leave Thundi with Ragnalfr and her children. ~~I feel like I abandoned him.~~

Hlin’s taken to making me a special drink when I’m angry, it’s warm and sweet with a little alcohol in it. And she gives the most amazing neck massages. I’d be nothing but a ball of knots without her.

I’m glad I have her with me.

Loki

**~*~**

Dear Sigyn,

Today I was invited to a private performance by one of the jarls. Considering how dull this trip can be I agreed without much thinking.

It turned out to be an upper-class brothel with dancers.

I’ll admit I might have overreacted when I realised. There’s still smoke coming from the roof.

I just… couldn’t stand to watch it. The girls smiled and it never reached their eyes. All I could do was think about you, how you would dance like them, dress like them, but never be like them. You have absolutely ruined me for any other woman, even just to watch.

If it had been your idea, you would have taken me somewhere where the women were there because they enjoyed their work, and you would have been almost more interested than I in their beauty. We would talk to them and seen them as performers, artists, not as whores. ~~Whores, they don’t really exist in Vanaheim do they?~~

It’s funny! It’s hilarious! So why do I feel like screaming?

I’m tired Sigyn, I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I try to focus on my work, on my sons, I’ve been giving Jörmungandr lessons in seiðr as well as reading, but the more I travel the more I feel like there are eyes on the back of my neck. Every jarl, good or bad, is pushing their daughters, their sisters, their cousins under my nose, hoping I’ll… I don’t even know. Some of the girls are obviously bribes, others have grander intentions –and sometimes it’s the women themselves. I came into my bedroom to find two sisters naked in my bed. They were beautiful, and naked, but I held strong and sent them away.

 ~~I think~~ The people are looking for me to find a queen.

I won’t accept anyone but you, and I thought I would have more time before dealing with this issue. No one has asked about the boys’ mother, I’d hoped that might give me time. So much for that idea.

Loki

**~*~**

Sigyn,

We found a village that has formed a habit of taking in people with strong seiðr abilities. They are safe and nurtured. After being forced to search for all the dregs in the realm, all the bad parents, the corrupt politicians, finding this village is like finding heaven.

Jörmungandr played with the children all day, they were teaching him tricks that I haven’t yet, and he loved it. He’s been so sulky lately, disobedient and rude, throwing tantrums and screaming at me. I don’t know what to do, at the start I gave him the things he wanted, I want him to be happy, but now I think about how that was what Thor got, even I got, and it did not really do us any good.

I’ve been spoiling him, why shouldn’t I? He’s my son, I have a right to spoil him, is it even spoiling when he’s suffered so much? He deserves everything I can give him.

~~This isn’t how I imagined having him back would be like.~~

Sometimes being with Fenrir is easier. He’s a baby, there’s a limit to what trouble or grief he can cause. He likes his belly rubbed and when he’s in pup form he likes to nip at my fingertips and hide in my jacket. I’ve even had fun bringing him to meetings with pompous jarls who obviously disapprove of my ‘half-breed bastards’. I make the jarl whisper so he doesn’t wake Fenrir up, and if Fenrir starts to fuss I ignore the man until he explodes, at which point I make him leave. Sverrir thinks it’s hysterical, and Dag gets this look on his face like he’s constipated.

Jörmungandr is so easily bored, I wish he could read better so I could let him discover books, but he’s still only getting the basics, so he’s into everything that catches his eye. He doesn’t understand that he can’t just take things without asking, he doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell him.

What do I do? When I try to discipline him he looks at me so miserably and I can’t stand it. I have to make him smile. I don’t want him to hate me ~~like he should~~.

I don’t want to leave this village, it’s quiet and full of magic, and I see very little in the way of cruelty or crime. The children are running freely, not stuck in a weapons area training for a fight I hope never comes. You’d really like it here Sigyn.

I’ll bring you here when we’re together.

Loki.

**~*~**

~~I love you, I swear I love you beyond reason and dignity but I’m afraid I’m losing you. How can I be forgetting the sound of your voice? The smell of your hair, the feel of your skin? How can I feel how I feel for her, you’re the love of my life?~~

~~I don’t love her. I don’t love her, I love you.~~  

**~*~**

Sigyn,

We were happy together, weren’t we? We weren’t just together because we were alone?

What am I saying, that’s not what it was. We loved each other, we’d do anything for each other. I’m sorry, it’s something Sverrir said. We were drinking and talking about our mutual wives –a novel experience I must say –and Sverrir asked me if we would have stayed together if our relationship had become public?

Apparently I use the phrase ‘no one could know’ too much when I talk about us. But no one could know about us, they would have parted us. Sverrir thinks we were only playing at being married, and enjoyed the tricks. He wonders how well we would have worked as a ‘proper couple’, whatever he means by that.

If I could afford to I would ignore him for a while, until I stop wanting to hit him, but the truth is, I need him. He’s my chief advisor, ~~he’s the closest friend I have~~.

Still, it has got me thinking about our future. Because I still believe we have one. Maybe it’s because how I imagined having Jörmungandr and Fenrir home isn’t how it’s working, but it feels like all the plans and dreams we had might not be what we get.

We were going to go to Midgard and travel the whole planet, spend years learning all the subtle differences of the people. We would spend a year on Alfheim, studying their magic and enjoying their forests. How can we do any of that with kingships and duties and children?

I wonder if any of those dreams matter if we have each other? We can just spend our time simply, as spouses and parents, I know you’re dying to start expanding the family, but maybe we could wait until Fenrir and Jörmungandr were older, or at least growing, and were used to us as a family?

I wish I could ask you. You’d make me feel certain that whatever happened we would get through it. I hate to admit it, but you’re the reason we got where we are. You’re the rock of the relationship. I rely on you, I need you at my side.

I’ve tried to be strong for everyone, tried to be happy, and sometimes it works. When Jörmungandr is smiling and we’re playing together, when I read to him and Fenrir and Hlin by the fire, going hunting with Sverrir and Dag, even meeting some of the decent good people in Asgard. Then I can be happy. But when I’m alone, when I’m not busy, I feel your absence like a dull ache in my chest. It feels like my heart is not inside my chest. I wonder where you are, what you’re doing, if you miss me. Sometimes I imagine you’re on some sort of grand adventure, the ones Thor loved, and that eventually you’ll come home to me, triumphant and glorious. I guess that makes me the loyal spouse waiting for their lover. I’d wear a pretty dress if it would get you home quicker, I’d wear it in my female form, on the throne of Asgard, if that would get you back to me.

I’d do anything to get you back.

Loki

**~*~**

Sigyn,

Would you be proud of me? Proud of what I’ve achieved?

I hope so. I’m nearing the end of the tour, and I’m trying to encourage equality and magic, without denigrating the warriors. 

~~I swear I have not forgotten you.~~

Jörmungandr keeps fighting with Sverrir’s boy Áki. Neither of us are sure what to do about that.

Fenrir is… still a small baby who goes through about ten to fifteen clouts a day.

~~That’s not what I want to say.~~

~~I want to tell you that I’m~~

~~Would you understand that how I~~

~~I won’t ever act upon it, but I can’t help~~

…

…

…

…

If you’re out there Sigyn, please tell me. I can’t do this anymore.

Please be alive.

Please come back to me.

Love,

Loki

**~*~**

**To be continued in**

**No More Shall We Play**

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit I was very nervous about posting this. It was inspired by my current frustrations with No More Shall We Play. I'm jumping forwards to keep the story going, but was struggling to fill in the blanks as I went without expo-dumping, so this is a bridge.  
> It isn't meant to be completely understandable, or put down every important point, it's just to give hints and ease people into the jump I'm going to make.  
> I also liked the idea of Loki reaching for Sigyn the only way he can now.  
> I was worried he was too sentimental about her, but it is supposed to be a grief stricken husband.
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to [buy me a cup of coffee](http://ko-fi.com/notrudeginger)


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